Another Must-Read Parenting Book

A couple of months ago I put a fair bit of research into my awesome list of favorite discipline/parenting books, and in the course of putting it together came up with a few more books to check out.  A couple weren't so great, but one has totally changed the way I relate to my middle child.

Seriously.  Initially, I picked this book up because I just didn't believe that I could "Have a New Kid by Friday."  I was so wrong.

With our oldest (daughter), Love and Logic worked so perfectly that I couldn't see a need for anything else and just assumed that every kid would respond well to the reasoning and such that this method recommends.  Our son quickly showed us that we were way off base.  He would become so mad/frustrated/embarrassed that he didn't seem to be listening to our "reasoning" and we would drone on about this and that before "disciplining" him.  The fit would continue, power struggle would ensue, and our mediocre parenting would immediately bite us in the butt.  Big fail.  By the time he was three he was pretty much in control (although we still presumed ourselves to be).  Double fail. 

Have a New Kid by Friday puts in to practice some very Love and Logic-like principles (like natural consequences), but adds a few simple rules (which is EXACTLY what I need--rules to follow!) such as my new favorite:

Say it once, turn your back, and walk away.

One of the problems we were having was that we just didn't think that he got what we were saying so we would explain it thirty ways from Sunday, allowing the struggle to continue and the fit to escalate.  By following this rule you take the wind out of his sails and regain control. 

There are a few more simple guidelines in the first few chapters of the book (each of which has been highly effective and left me feeling so much calmer and more in control as a parent), but the real meat is the second two-thirds.  Dr Leman covers every conceivable topic, from bedwetting (don't make it a big deal, be mildly sympathetic, clean up and move on) and grocery shopping (don't offer treats as a reward for good behavior...of which I'm hugely guilty) to temper tantrums (yup, say it once, turn your back, and walk away) and whining (remove the offender to a place where he/she can whine without bothering you) with simple, easy to implement guidelines. 

Since we started, Scout has become infinitely more polite (most requests now begin with 'excuse me' and include 'please' and 'when you're done'...I never thought that we could get that far in such a short amount of time), kinder to his sisters ('I'm sorry, are you okay?') and has nearly quit making his ugly 'I'm mad at you' face at me.  Thank goodness. 

What's your favorite parenting rule of thumb?  Now that I've mastered "say it once, turn your back, and walk away" I'm ready to add to my repertoire :)

Booklist: Very Best, Most Favorite Kids' Picture Books Ever

I was excited to learn about Freedom to Read Week, an "annual event that encourages ... to think about and reaffirm their commitment to intellectual freedom."  Then I realized that it was just for Canadians.  Now, I love books and appreciate Canada, so I've decided to celebrate the opportunities I have to read, think, and share whatever I please.  So, in observation of this worthwhile idea, here's a list of a few of our very favorite children's books of the minute.  Honestly, our favorites change with alarming rapidity (since you probably have children you know just what I'm talking about), but these are classic books that I reccommend heartily.

This may be the only book on my list with even a hit of subversiveness (thanks to some cute little treasures hidden in the illustrations--can you find the woman breastfeeding, or the girl on the potty?), but it's definitely #1 on our list!  In the Town All Year 'Round is an absolute classic.  The narrative-free illustrations take you through the seasons of the year in images of a single town.  There are special threads to follow (Cassie the cat is on every page, meets another cat, falls in love...has kittens!), and so much to see.  We've looked at this book a hundred times and each of us find something new each time.  Don't miss this one!

We love all of his books, but Richard Scarry's What Do People Do All Day is right at the top of our list.  The pictures are detailed and (aside from the fact that the characters are, well, pigs, worms, cats, and other animals) present lots of solid information about things preschoolers really need to know about and are fascinated by (community helpers, how houses are built, where wood comes from!).  I loved this book as a kid, and it's such a delight to share.  My second choice from Richard Scarry would have to be Richard Scarry's Best Storybook Ever!, a compilation of many favorite stories.

We've just finished reading The Boxcar Children, one of my very favorite books from childhood.  It follows four orphaned children as they try to escape their (apparently unfriendly) grandfather and set up housekeeping in an abandoned boxcar in the woods.  It's a charming story with lovely, relatable, well-mannered characters, and we all loved reading about how they kept their milk cold in the stream and cooked food over the fire.  Written in the early 20th century, has weathered the years very well.

When I was nine or ten I had a book that told the history of everything and I read that thing until it fell apart (and I can still tell you about the discovery of vulcanized rubber and the history of vaseline--creepy, I know).  Daisy and Scout both seem to have inherited my love of facts and trivia, so I was excited when I picked up the Smart-opedia Junior: The Amazing Book About Everything.  I was even happier when I looked through it and found that it tells you just enough about, well, everything!  From explaining how your body works in logical progression to the workings of the universe, she's absorbed by the wonderful illustrations and straightforward information. 

Finally, I'm going to cheat by throwing in all the rest of our favorite books in a single volume: The 20th-Century Children's Book Treasury.  I'm not usually one for greatest hits-type compilations, but this one really gets it right.  It's a book we keep in the car, pack for trips, and read over and over.  It includes the full text and pictures from stories (from Madeleine to Harry the Dirty Dog to Millions of Cats) by all of your favorite authors (from the Berenstains to Maurice Sendak to Kevin Henkes).  There are a very few duds in the bunch, but there's enough here to keep occupied for years.  It's my go-to baby shower gift :)

What's holding your kids' attention these days?  Do you have a favorite from your own childhood that you share?  I'm always in the market for a new one!

Barefoot Books Giveaway: Great Books for Fun Kids!

AnnieBananie is our winner with entry number 344...wow, lots of entries!

"I like the way you can shop by age. It makes shopping for neices and nephews so easy!"

This giveaway is now closed...thank you all for playing!

Books are one of my favorite gifts to give--and receive. I love visiting the bookshop, browsing around with my cup of tea, and spending a little quiet time finding something that I love for someone special. Doesn't that conjure up a nice image? Add three children to it and it's just a wee bit less pretty. Barefoot Books is the most delightful second option I've found. Their books are unique, beautiful, and well-thought-out, and are so well organized and described that it's a treat to shop their site.

Just in time for the holidays, Joana McKenna, a Stallholder with Barefoot has offered three of their bestselling titles, plus a special bonus item to one lucky commenter. The titles are:

• I Took The Moon For A Walk
• Playtime Rhymes with CD
• Off We Go To Mexico
• and bonus: Yoga Planet Deck Of Cards
  

To enter, get your cup of tea and settle in for a minute to visit Joana's Barefoot Bookshop and report back with the most unique/favorite thing you found about the Barefoot Book shop (comments close Saturday 11/28 at 8am Pacific time). It could be something about the shop itself, a book that you fell in love with, just make sure you have a nice visit :)

I'll start. I really like the gift sets that they're offering for the holidays. The prices are reasonable and they would make such a lovely, well-thought-out gift without too much work!

As a second bonus, Joana's offered a 10% discount to anyone visiting from Kiddio. Just click that nice little button down there (I'll also add it to the sidebar, over there -->)!

Think you'd love you some new books? To earn an extra entry subscribe (it's free! click the link to learn more!) and email me the secret code at the bottom of this post. For additional extra entries: twitter a link to this giveaway to your pals and email me your twitter name, Stumble this post (see the 'stumble it' link at the bottom of the post), and/or post this giveaway on your blog (then email me a link!) That's four extra chances!

...and don't miss Monday's, Tuesday's, and Thursday's fabulous giveaways!

Booklist: Electoral Process for the Little Ones in Your Life

Suffice it to say, I'm thrilled that Election Day is finally upon us. For months I've been listening to our children debate about who they would vote for with little actual understanding of what the heck they were talking about...let alone what's actually going on in the electoral process and presidential politics. Somehow I expect that the next few months will bring more questions about what the President actually does and lots more pretend government. To try and educate them a bit we checked out a few books to share and here are the five that we liked the best, ordered by age-appropriateness.


Duck for President: We all enjoyed the tale of Duck; it was engaging for my three year old while still making some good points to my Kindergardener. It frames election information in the story of duck who somehow manages to run for Mayor, Governor, and finally President. He decides that each job is just too much work, but the course of the story conveys a good deal of information about what elections are at various levels of government. Super cute, too!


Madam President: Rather than focusing on the electoral side, this story focuses on the role of President by telling the story of a little girl imagining her day as future President. She issues an executive order to order her breakfast, while vetoing her school's hot lunch offerings. Throw in a few Secret Service agents and the need to handle a crisis (her bedroom), and it really introduces the idea of what our President does.

Grace for President: While Duck and Madam President were suitable for the preschool set, Grace addresses the idea of elections more directly and is better for school-aged kids. When Grace discovers that there have been no female Presidents she instigates a school-wide election and enters herself. The book addresses some solid social issues as well as elucidating the workings of campaigns and elections. Of course, I still had to explain why there haven't been any female presidents!

If I Ran for President and If I Were President: These are also most appropriate for school-aged kids. Rather than presenting the information in a story format, each provides its information in a narrative about campaigns and elections (the first), and the roles and responsibilities of the President (the latter). The information is presented very simply and was easy for my Kindergardener to understand, although some of the finer points would elicit more discussion from older school-aged kids. All in all, each was very worthwhile.

Booklist: Reading Up on the Secret Lives of Boys

As a female Developmental Psychologist, I heard and read a lot about the specific socio-emotional and academic needs of girls, how we were being marginalized out of math and the hard sciences, and how our self-esteem was being diminished by a global patriarchy.  Only in the past seven or eight years does it feel like the needs of boys are being addressed significantly, and only more recently than that does it feel like the discussion is acknowledging that boys and girls are different but equally in need of accommodation.  It's not as though one gender is dysfunctional in relation to the other (some boys may be energetic, but does that make them troublemakers?  some girls may naturally be more interested in language, but does this make them bad at math?  and does this have to apply to all boys?), it's just that we must understand them for what they are and appreciate each child's individuality.

In any event, I feel like I have much better insight into where my daughters are coming from than my son after reading these books.  A little chat with my husband (sorry Dad, I haven't gotten to talk to you yet!) revealed that I truly don't get it, but I feel like if I want to be the conscoius parent that I regard myself as I really need to get a better idea of what's going on behind my son's alternately charming smile and grouchy scowl.  I'll get to girls soon, but here's a list of books that I've really found to be worthwhile.  Each of these books is provides a unique perspective on learning and socio-emotional development, and what we as parents can do to raise our boys to be happy, successful men.

Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Lives of Boys:  This book is a great place to start. The authors really illuminate what life as a boy is truly like with plenty of anecdotes about how boys are indoctrinated into male culture, what role the educational system and its methods play in shaping a boy, a great discussion of relationships between boys and their parents, and lots of concrete ideas about how to raise an emotionally whole boy from birth to early adulthood.  Absolutely eye-opening.

Real Boys' Voices: A stunning companion to Raising Cain, this book is a window into the minds of boys and young men.  In their own words they share intimate stories of how societal pressures lead boys into drug use, early sexual behavior, sublimating their emotions, and putting on a mask of toughness.  At times so raw it's tough to read, it gives tremendous insight into what's going on in their heads and how our reactions and opinions fuel this behaviors.  Also provides lots of suggestions to help parents become accessible, trusted allies to their adolescent boys.

Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different - And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men:  Raising Boys is less about anecdotes and stories than providing approaches to help you raise your boy to be the best he can be.  The author maps out parenting strategies by age, starting at birth and extending through early adulthood, and discusses the role that testosterone and brain development play in boys' behavior and in shaping their needs.  It's a relatively fun, easy read and provides great ideas that you can apply immediately.

The Minds of Boys: Saving Our Sons From Falling Behind in School and Life:  While the earlier books focus mainly on emotional development, The Minds of Boys is an awesome peek inside how our educational system is at odds with the personalities and needs of many boys leading to low performance and disciplinary issues.  Starting with infancy, the author offers great advice on how parents and teachers can play to boys' unique strengths through play and setting up activities in boy-friendly ways--without putting girls at a disadvantage.  This book significantly influenced the educational choices we've made, and if you have or will be sending a boy to school I highly recommend it!

It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons: I so enjoyed the essays in this book.  They're short (since my time always seems to be in demand!) and insightful, leaving me with something to think about and mull over for the rest of the day.  The stories touch on a range of ages, leaving you reminiscing about when your kids where younger, relating to moms who are sharing your experience, and thinking about what's down the road.

What have you found works for your boys?  Do you find that they're different from the girls in your life and need special accommodation or is this 'boy crisis' just an idea pushed by the media?  Are there other books, articles, or resources that you love?

Follow the Line through the House: review and activity

Follow the Line through the House



Written and Illustrated by Laura Ljungkvist



Ages 3-9



See the little tail on the bottom of the 'F' up there? The one in 'Follow'? That's the beginning of the line, which carries you through the house, the kitchen, the toolbox, the toy box (to mention a few places), out into the backyard, all the way to the tiny tail at the 'E' in 'Goodbye'. Each page describes where you are and gives you several tasks: pink shoes to find, screwdrivers to count, bandages to choose from. Illustrations consist of outlined objects (the line) and background and extra items that are visually very distinct from the path of the line making it easier for little eyes and fingers to follow it from page to page.



Mommy: I'm a pretty linear thinker and I often have trouble with books that don't follow a typical progression, plot, story, etc. (wordless books give me fits!) This one, however, is so easy to follow, and I love the didactic nature of the questions and tasks that the book poses as you go from page to page. It's been an especially good choice to read to the two kids since Josie is able to answer the more difficult questions while Jasper tackles the simple ones, or they are able to work together (hallelujah!) to find all of something. Long after we finished reading it together the two of them were still sitting and looking at the detailed pictures that completely fill every page. We all enjoyed the modern nature of the illustrations and I was taken with the very idea that you could trace the line from page to page. Daddio especially seemed to enjoy reading it :)

That said, I think that if you have a child who is very plot-driven they won't be taken in. It's very interactive by it's nature and if your kid isn't into it they'll be lost.



Josie (5): I liked the pictures and all the things that there were to find. My favorite page was the refrigerator, no the (um, what's that thing where they keep all the band-aids?) medicine cabinet. It was a good book. We should buy it.



Jasper (2.5): Good book. I like do line with my fingah. Oooh, and the wrench. I too like da wrench.



This is Ljungkvist's second book in this series, following "Follow the Line." Her third, Follow the Line Around the World, is coming out this month.



Activity:



Even after reading this a couple of times, I felt like Josie (5) was kind of missing the point about the images being made of a single line that runs through the book and the artistic challenge that comes with that. With that, I challenged her to draw a picture with only one line. It took a few tries, but she finally got the concept.









Update: Since we did this, I can't seem to get her to pick her pen up! Everything is formed from a single line, from her name in block letters to her usual drawings.

diy baby/kid food: review

So you now know that Adelaide (the youngest member of the collective) is totally into pickles. I don't know that I would've let Josie love pickles as one of her first handful of foods (thanks to my maternally overprotective instinct), but daddio and I have encouraged our kids try a wide variety of strange and unexpected foods and have made nearly all of their 'baby food' (that is, the purees, snacks, and chopped up stuff that they eat for the first six months or so). So far it's really worked! We have a couple of kids who will eat just about anything (Josie avoids spicy things, Jasper's not really into meat, and we all dislike avocados, but everything else is fair game). Thank goodness, since I was such a picky eater. I don't quite know how my mother put up with it!
Fundamental to our strategy to make our children the type who will eat anything was the 'making our own baby food' part, plus introducing them to bits of table food as early as possible (which is why Adelaide was enjoying bits of watermelon and sucking on a celery stalk yesterday). I would have to say that it has been a pretty easy addition to what we already do, and that it has saved us tons of cash in the process. You don't need much to start the process, and even if you're only making some of your kid's food you'll still be saving money, producing less waste, and feeding your baby foods that taste like real food....setting them up to love real food later!

So what do you need to get started?

1: A blender, food mill, baby food grinder, or food processor. When I'm churning out batches of baby food to freeze I prefer the blender, but as they get a bit older and I'm processing a bit of what we're having for dinner or grinding batches of chunky food like chicken pot pie I like the mini food processor or baby food grinder. Nothing special here, and I'll bet you've already got one of these in your kitchen.

2: Ice cube trays and zip-top freezer bags. Once you blenderize the food with a bit of water or breastmilk, just pour it into ice cube trays and freeze it until solid, then turn it out into freezer bags for long-term storage. I have a stash of trays that I picked up at the thrift store for about $1 for six.

3: Food. You can use fresh or frozen fruits and vegetables, regular full-fat yogurt, jarred nut butters (e.g. cashew and almond), or even what you've made for dinner. We don't really limit seasonings, but I generally don't add salt or butter, etc, to simple purees.

Seriously, that's it. I can buy a big bag of organic frozen peas, cook, puree, and freeze about 12 servings in ten minutes (and empty the dishwasher while the peas cook). I know what's in the food and that it tastes fresh and like sweet garden peas rather than pale, mushy canned peas. All told, it costs about ten to fifteen cents per serving with no jar or container to throw out.

This is really a simple guide to get you started. To really get the job done I've relied on two books to supply guidelines about what foods should be fed at what ages (e.g. no yogurt until 9 months, no corn until a year, etc) and how to process certain foods (you have to cook some foods but not others, must be careful peeling mangos, etc), and recipes to combine foods and make my own cereals. I've looked at a lot of choices and own several, but these are my go-to guides:

Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron. This book has a sort of gonzo "I made it in my basement" quality about it, and the author comes across as a little nutty, but it is an absolute goldmine of nutritional information about any fruit, vegetable, grain, or vegetarian option you can think of. She's got recipes for various cereals (like her super porridge), discusses the importance of adding supplements like flax oil to boost omega-3s, even recipes for playdoh and other fun toddler stuff. This book is a great choice for vegetarians, too, since I believe that she has raised her children in a meat-free environment, but she discusses the preparation of meat foods as well. The first half of the book is devoted mostly to how to start feeding your baby foods, where to start, how to ramp it up, sample menus, etc. If you only buy one book, buy this one.

Blender Baby Food by Nicole Young. I got by with "Super Baby Food" with Josie, but I really wanted to branch out a bit and make some more interesting foods with Jasper. This book really did that for me. It focuses on the 6-12 month age range with sample menus and recipes for each age. Many of the recipes we still enjoy (like the Citrus Couscous, Veggie Paella, and Jambalaya. Even the purees are fun, like Rhubarb, Apples, and Berries, or Trout, Zucchini, and Potatoes. I think it really broadened Jasper's tastes.

Finally, since I've somehow been blessed with kids who will eat anything, I keep running out of ideas. Seriously, I'd love to fall back on chicken nuggets and mac and cheese sometimes, but they want to eat! So I picked up Toddler Café: Fast, Healthy, and Fun Ways to Feed Even the Pickiest Eater at the library and I have to order a copy for myself. The 'picky eater' part sort of threw me, but it's full of great ideas for fun meals that are really healthful and full of fresh good food that isn't too far out there (like random curries and the like which my kids will eat, but I wanted simple food). It's from Chronicle Books (where all good books seem to be born) and they have some recipe excerpts on their website if you'd like to check them out. If you want to have one book to inspire you to feed your little kids well, this is really it.

Plant a garden!: books

Every year (around February, when we're really feeling cooped up) we look forward to planning our garden, planting the seeds, and waiting for sprouts to appear. We've had a garden every year since we married, but having children has made it so much more worthwhile, and way more fun (if infinitely more challenging!). Gardening alone--let alone with kids--is such a huge topic, though, that there will be a number of posts over the next few weeks covering what you need to know to plant a few seeds in a windowsill or a big vegetable garden.
We live in Colorado, which is unique in that we have a relatively short season (our last average frost isn't until May 15, and we can expect it to freeze sometime around September 15). In contrast, I grew up in the California Bay Area where we could expect an extra 2.5 months to grow stuff (and things that die off here, like rosemary, are perennial there). (To find your frost dates you can check here or here) This makes it really tough to grow fun things like watermelon, cantaloupe, and artichokes...unless you start the seeds indoors. (We're trying this for the first time this year and have had good luck so far, but more on that later).

Anyhow, when I have a question I usually start with books!

I started with two of Sharon Lovejoy's books on gardening with kids:
Roots, Shoots, Buckets, and Boots: Gardening with Children is truly stellar. It provides such great information on gardening in general, but focuses on how to make it fun and engaging for children. Her ideas are really adapted for everything from growing a few seeds in a container (like a colander!) to planting a big garden with older children, or growing Sunflower Houses.

We've also gone through a variety of kids' picture books on plants and gardening that we either own or borrow from the library:

Sunflower Houses by Eve Bunting is a nice story about a boy who plants a ring of mammoth sunflowers and waits patiently for them to grow taller than himself, into a house. It also discusses how seeds come from plants and enable future generations to grow, as well as the importance of caring for living things. It's a sweet, colorful book, simple enough for little ones, but with enough information to keep preschoolers-early grade schoolers interested.

Growing Vegetable Soup, by Lois Ehlert focuses on the process of planting seeds, plants growing, producing fruit, and finally preparing it to eat. Ehlert's classic style of illustration is bold, colorful, and engaging for younger children (but a little simple for school-aged kids). We find that growing vegetables makes eating them way more fun, and this book really encourages that!

How A Seed Grows, by Helene Jordan is less storybook than science lesson. The author takes children through the process of growing seeds, illustrating what happens at each step. I wish it had a little more of the "why" than just the "how", but it was a great jumping off point for discussing what is going on beneath the soil. I would say it's best for three year olds and up, although Jasper (2.5) understood some of it.

Finally, we love The Ladybug Game. It's not focused on gardening per se, but you take your ladybug through the garden collecting aphids, then have to share them with the ants to get to the end. It really is a fun game (and great for kids who love ladybugs, or dress up like them as my children seem to do), and introduces the idea of beneficial insects and garden pests.

Well, I hope this gets you started, I'll post more on this in the coming weeks!

keeping up

I really mean to have a baby book, or a journal, or something to keep track of all the milestones, ticket stubs, and cute things the kids say, but I'm awful at keeping up. I am absolutely notorious for never finishing most things that I start. I've tried a baby book and journal (Josie), a first-year calendar (Jasper, oops I bought it and never filled it in, so I used it for Adelaide), and a blog (all three). The blog was the most successful, but even that was hard for me to keep up with. Finally, finally, I've hit upon the solution. I think I read the suggestion in Wondertime Magazine, but I'm not quite sure where I found it. A few months ago I bought three notebooks. Nothing fancy (since I plan to fill them up quickly), just single-subject, college ruled spiral notebooks from the office store. I considered composition books, since I love those and you can label the spine, but they won't stay open to a page, and I really needed this to be a single-step process so I can follow through. Blue for Jasper, Purple is Adelaide, Josie gets Red.

I could certainly do better, but I'm so pleased with how well I've been keeping up. At least once a week, usually more, I can grab a notebook and jot down what one kid did or said. Nothing fancy, sometimes just a sentence, sometimes more. Last week I pasted in tickets from a play we went to see, this week it'll be ticket stubs from the art museum and I'll have the big kids draw a picture recalling our visit.

I won't share the contents with them until they're much older, at which point I hope to have a pile of these notebooks filled with random bits from my husband and I for them to read through and see through the lens of adulthood. I truly wonder what they will think of their child selves and the memories we share in the journals. Only time will tell...

Anyway, here's an excerpt from Adelaide's entry for today:

4/21- You love pickles! You watched intently as I ate my burger on Saturday, opening your mouth a little bit every time it went by your face. About the time I picked up my dill spear you were fed up and wrenched it out of my hands with both of yours. You gummed all of the pickle flesh off of both ends before going through one end of Grandma's. You were so pleased with yourself, and delighted to have something to eat at the dinner table! So, we can add it to your list of solid foods: avocado, yam....pickle!
love, mama

catch the potty train...

My mother-in-law was here for a few days and I mentioned to her that Jasper would need to be fully potty trained in order to start there in the fall. Well, he overheard us and was immediately excited...he loves trains, and a potty train must be fabulous. I went with it. I told him that it was a special train that we could go for a big ride on as soon as he was diaper-free every day. The dreamy look in his eye said that I'd gotten my point across (of course, my last effort, using a sticker chart to earn a red rocket he'd coveted on one shopping trip, hadn't been a success, so I'm not so sure...).

I've been through this with a boy and a girl now and I feel like I've had it pretty easy. Josie was pretty much done by the time she was 2 (I kept her in a diaper or absorbent underpants when we went out to minimize any accidents), and had basically done it herself. Sure, we read a few books about it (over and over and over) and let her run around pants-less quite a bit, but it was really up to her to do it. It was another year or more before she was ready to toss the nighttime diapers. It was easy enough to wait until she was developmentally ready to make this step, which made it particularly simple. Jasper's been a bit tougher. He started pooping on the big potty consistently at around 18 months, but peeing has been a lot tougher. I've offered rewards for performance (first a jellybean for sitting on the potty, then a jellybean for pooping, now a jellybean for peeing), a rocket toy for being dry for five days (we made it 3 1/2...I think it was too long), and just putting him in underpants and letting him feel the consequences (a lot of laundry for me). I think that if I weren't so distracted by the needs of two other children he would be done by now, but I'm not stressing it so he isn't either.

What I've learned:

-Boys and girls pee differently. I had no idea about this. Apparently, while girls have to hold it in and then let the muscles go when they're ready, it's sort of the opposite for boys. They have to push to pee (which is why they often pee and poop at the same time).

-Boys should sit down to pee at first. Not only is it tidier for an aimless toddler, but it gives boys the sense that it's okay to sit on the potty and for the pee and poop to come out. If they learn standing up they may refuse to sit and you risk having a kid who withholds poop...which comes with its own painful issues!

-Kids do things at different ages. Just as a child is developmentally ready to crawl, or speak, or learn to read, the capacity to potty train is a developmental milestone that kids reach at their own pace. Don't push it or you risk it becoming a power struggle. If it's just not working then back off and try again in a few weeks or months.

-Try a few different potties. Jasper never went for the little potty or even a kid-sized seat on the big toilet. He just liked to sit on the big seat. Josie liked the Baby Bjorn potty chair but couldn't stand a different brand that we tried first and was never into the little seat on the big toilet.

Books we love:

The Potty Book for Girls / The Potty Book for Boys: These are our go-to books to read the kids. We found that having one book was more consistent than having too many guides to using the potty, and I liked the tone and 'do-it-yourself' quality of this book. It also helped that the potty in the book looks a lot like the Baby Bjorn Potty Chair, which worked best for us (and is SO easy to clean!)

Mommy, I Have to Go Potty! / The No-Cry Potty Training Solution: Each of these books really encouraged me to go with my instincts and provided great ideas to get the job done. Best of all, they were realistic and didn't make me feel like I should be able to do it in a day (which I felt was unrealistic with a two-year-old).

Everyone Poops / It Hurts When I Poop: Both good for the kid who doesn't want to poop. The first has great pictures and is very simple for the youngest kids, while the second is a necessity for a preschooler who doesn't want to poop on the potty.

Good luck...you may need it!

Every Friday: book review

Every Friday

Written and Illustrated by Dan Yaccarino

ages 3-7

"Friday is my favorite day" this book begins, as the son takes you through the ins and outs of his Friday father-son ritual. Be it rain or shine, the pair leave the house, walk through the city past their favorite sites (the toy store for son, sporting goods for dad), count the dogs, and give the regulars a friendly wave. They reach the end of their journey at the diner where Rosa the waitress knows their usual order (pancakes!) and the guys talk about "all sorts of things."

This was a lovely book. The story was so sincere and clearly written, tracing a path through the big city (a place my kids just don't visit often enough!). The cover art looks a bit serious, but Yaccarino's unique illustration style carries the whimsical tone of the story through the book (I love some of the little details like the beatnik and his bongo or the construction worker napping in the window of a building under construction. The pages are uncluttered with not-too-many words per page, leaving a lot for children to add with their own imagination. I will love to read this book over and over.

The topic of the book gave us a nice opportunity to talk about the special things each kid like to do with their folks (after noticing on the first pages that mom and baby are left at home), and talk about what traditions mean to our family and to them. We talked about things that I used to value doing with my mom and dad and how I like to share those with each of them. All in all, really a perfect book. The fact that the protagonists were father and son didn't seem to matter to Josie (5) who put herself right into the book.

Mommy: five stars

Josie (5): I really like this book. I really like going out for breakfast...I wonder if he got whipped cream on his pancakes?

Jasper (2.5): There be a cement mixer and big dump truck! And pancakes! Me love pancakes. (It really held his attention through multiple readings.)

No No Yes Yes: book

No No Yes Yes



Written and Illustrated by Leslie Patricelli



0-3 years, board book



Playing with bath toys in the potty = no no. Sitting on the potty = yes yes. Leslie Patricelli's newest book gives plenty of fun, visual examples of happy baby behavior. Each pair of pages shows the happy baby (boy? girl? does it matter?) engaging in a pair of complimentary, sometimes silly, behaviors. Cutting hair? NO! Cutting paper? YES! The last page spread gives a number of smaller illustrations of no nos and yes yeses. Patricelli's other books include Baby Happy Baby Sad, Big Little, Binky, Blankie, Quiet Loud, and Yummy Yucky.



We at the collective have loved Leslie Patricelli's books since Josie was a baby. "Yummy Yucky" was our first and caught us with her simple, colorful illustrations, sparse text, and general silliness. It provided a great jumping off point for clarifying what yummy and yucky were for baby Josie, for learning the sign language for each, and as she got older it was a simple book for her to 'read' to herself (or recite at least). When I spotted Patricelli's latest two releases I was so excited!

No No Yes Yes captures the same qualities and introduces more truly helpful concepts like not pulling the cat's tail, holding hands while crossing the street, not ripping books up, etc. With Jasper (2.5 years) it was nice to move from page to page and ask "What's the no no on this page?" or "What's the big boy doing on this page" to really draw his attention to the ideas rather than just looking at the great illustrations. The topic and illustrations really suit our (how can I put this delicately?) eccentric parenting style and capture the kids illustrations.



Mommy: Another book I can wholeheartedly recommend.



Josie: It was so silly. It was so fun, I would say it's a five. Five stars. So good. Really for Jasper though. It was too easy for me.



Jasper: I think it is ... I want read it again. It be really good.

Little Pea: book and activity

Little Pea



Written by Amy Krouse Rosenthal, Illustrated by Jen Corace



ages 2-5



"Little Pea" is the sweet story of a regular little pea-guy and his pea-parents. He does regular little guy things, playing at the playground with his pea-pals, snuggling with Mama Pea, roughhousing with Papa Pea. When it came to dinner, though, he hated it. Candy. Surely you understand, to "grow up to be a big strong pea", one must eat his candy. Thankfully, a nice bowl of spinach awaits for dessert.



The story is sweet and straightforward with an obvious moral that picky children will easily relate to. I appreciated that the text was funny and not too wordy, and that my five year old could easily read the book herself (since Jasper was so interested in hearing it again and again!). I don't think that you're about to convert any veggie-haters, but a subtle reinforcement of a nice message nonetheless.

My only complaint was the author's use of the word 'hate' when referring to Little Pea's disdain for candy. Sure, I wouldn't mind if a bit of that would rub off on my children, but the word 'hate' is one that we specifically don't use in our family (if only so that we can learn to use more descriptive words and I can prolong the time until the day one kid yells "I hate you!" as all children are wont to do).



Jen Corace's illustrations in the book are modern, simple, and lovely. The watercolors are vivid and leave plenty of white space on the page.



Mommy: Great addition to the family library since I'm not a bit tired of it after a solid 20 readings. Would be a great gift for the 2-3 year old set.



Josie (5): I really loved it. My favorite page is the one where he's playing hopscotch with his friends. I like hopscotch.



Jasper (2.5): Me like candy part best. Rainbow candy. Pea book is my favorite. We read it again?



Activity:

Our activity was a bit silly and messy but seriously fun for both Josie and Jasper! If you check out the cover of the book you can see Papa Pea launching a gleeful Little Pea off the end of a spoon. This prompted a nice conversation about catapults and levers (for Josie) and the deliciousness of peas and marshmallows (for Jasper).



Materials:

--Several different spoons, big, small, longer, deeper, etc

--A few cooked peas (fresh ones rolled off), miniature marshmallows, or other things to fling various distances

-Open space that may get splattered with pea-goo



Activity:

--Place the spoon with the handle toward the child (or yourself if it's late and the children are in bed), and set a pea or marshmallow on the end of the handle. Use a finger to pounce down on the other end of the spoon, flinging the object some distance. Try a few different spoons to see which gives the best distance, then try to figure out why (hint: longer spoons go further and deeper bowls give you more flinging power).

--Optional: Have one kid try to catch flung marshmallows with their mouth while the other does the catapulting. Switch.

--Have kids clean up peas, marshmallows, etc, and put spoons in the dishwasher.